• Mariam Olatidoye

Overcoming Self-Limitation & Insecurity...

My focus recently has been a lot on limitation, and the limitations we impose on ourselves without conscious awareness that we are doing so. The ways in which we tell ourselves theres no point trying because we 'just know' we're going to fall short. What if we 'just know' we are perfectly capable? What would be the outcome then?

I've thought about the times we tell ourselves things like 'you can't do this' or 'someone else can do this better than you'. And I realise that we tend to limit ourselves by thinking we are not good enough, for whatever reason, and end up playing this narrative in reality because we become inactive as a result of those thoughts. The same inactivity which leads to more negative self-appraisal (negative means of viewing and speaking to yourself) which leads to more inactivity, and you can see how vicious this cycle can get. It's so much easier to fall back and avoid failure, than try and potentially have to face failure head on. But I find some light in the unhappiness people feel when they know they are limiting themselves, because it means they have identified a sense of unfulfillment, and they want to do something to change this, but perhaps don't know where to start.

So what is the relationship between self-limitation and insecurity?

Limitation happens as a result of insecurity. Insecurity which comes as a result of fear. And fear which comes as a result of many things, but that is for another post.

Insecurity is a silent killer. Sometimes you don't even know it is there until you're faced with a situation and suddenly you feel inferior, unequipped and less confident. All of a sudden you don't really know about the thing you were so sure of yesterday. All these plans that you've made with confidence, begin to fall apart, leaving traces of 'what is the point' behind. But what we have to realise, and remind ourselves, is that insecurity is a fragment of our imagination. A form of self-doubt which leaves us feeling half empty. Think about it. Insecurity would not exist without your ability to perceive. It's not tangible. It is mind-made. The things you desire in your life, don't live in insecurity and self-doubt, they live in the realm of potential, so you too must step into this.

Our insecurities come from a number of sources, which cause us to view ourselves in a lesser light. But one of the biggest sources of insecurity, in millennials especially, is our fear of not doing or being enough. As fantastic as it has been to see many young people do amazing things, a consequence of that is other people feeling substandard if they haven't been able to achieve the same in the same timeframe. Comforting cajoles of 'you're only 20x' become painful reminders that time has passed and you 'haven't done/become enough'. What usually follows on from this is a series of comparisons which take away from you realising what it is that makes you so special. Would you still feel inadequate if you stopped comparing yourself to other people?

'So how can I deal with insecurity?'

Honestly? Focus more on yourself. As frequently as we hear that statement, the honest truth is that we're not doing it enough. Because focusing on yourself is what yields results. It's the time gone into studying yourself, the things you enjoy, fine tuning your goals and working towards them, which produces something tangible that leads to your fulfilment of sense of purpose. Leave less room for comparison with others and create more room for comparing today's you with yesterday's you. Celebrate that progress. See those wins from people around you as energy to tap into. Remind yourself of who you are and why you're here. In this life thing filled with homogeneous entities (people), what is your unique selling point? And if you feel like you still don't know how to go about any of this, book a free assessment and let's talk.

Don't ever forget how special you are or how uniquely you stand from others. Of all the 7.6 billion people on this Earth, there is only one you who is capable of doing what you do, the way you do.

There is essentially one remedy for dealing with insecurity:

Use the same mind that you used to tell yourself you're incapable, to tell yourself that you are entirely able.

Because you are.

Be The Best You.

- Mariam

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